The Fruit of the Spirit: Stop Trying to Produce What Only God Can Grow

“But I say, walk by the Spirit, and you will not gratify the desires of the flesh. For the desires of the flesh are against the Spirit, and the desires of the Spirit are against the flesh, for these are opposed to each other, to keep you from doing the things you want to do. But if you are led by the Spirit, you are not under the law. Now the works of the flesh are evident: sexual immorality, impurity, sensuality, idolatry, sorcery, enmity, strife, jealousy, fits of anger, rivalries, dissensions, divisions, envy, drunkenness, orgies, and things like these. I warn you, as I warned you before, that those who do such things will not inherit the kingdom of God. But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control; against such things there is no law. And those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the flesh with its passions and desires. If we live by the Spirit, let us also keep in step with the Spirit. Let us not become conceited, provoking one another, envying one another.”

(Galatians 5:16-26 ESV)

I brought in the grocery delivery the other day, and my toddler, beyond excited to see apples and oranges after a summer of berries and bananas, got so excited she ended up peeing herself. While devouring the closest orange within reach, she quite literally had no regrets, and she grinned up at me with juice on her face, pulp in her teeth, and a puddle on the floor. 

All because of a bag of apples and a bag of oranges. 

As tempting as it was to get mad at her for making a mess all over my new kitchen floor (who gets brand new floors right before potty training anyway?) I had to breathe through my own response, boiling beneath the surface, and scrounge up the last scrap of patience I had left. I thought to myself, “She’s two. It’s week one of potty training, and she’s learning. It might take her a little bit, and right now she’s super pumped about these oranges, dude.”

Somewhere, deep down in the reservoir of my spirit, through gritted teeth and a happy-go-lucky, chirpy tone that I did not mean at all, I reaffirmed our potty break routines and how we are all still learning and blah blah blah. In a silent prayer, I pleaded with God to shine through my broken parenting with his goodness, gentleness, and self-control. 

I can’t always say that’s how things go in our house. More often than not, my tone is harsh, my mannerisms hurried, and a constant gloom of feeling like a failure looms over me. Most mornings, as soon as I’m out of bed, already chiding myself for oversleeping, the chaos of the day finds me and takes my breath away.

But here’s what I’ve been getting wrong. I’m over here praying through Galatians 5:22-23 — Lord, I pray the Fruit of the Spirit would produce this kind of fruit in my life: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. 

Read that again. It’s the Fruit of the Spirit. Not the Fruit of me, myself, and I. Those things are amazing and something I can look forward to seeing one day. But it’s a product of the Holy Spirit living in and through me. It’s the result of spending time with God. It’s what happens when I let Him be my guide, the Gardener, so to speak. I’m trying to grow fruit over here, but in all honesty, it’s not my job. 

It’s my job to listen, to make friends, to do the next right thing. And let the fruit speak for itself. 

But, as a recovering control-freak-people-pleasing-perfectionist, this is HARD. 

Let’s speak into that for a moment, because I know I can’t be the only one. 

Just because you woke up in chaos, immediately overwhelmed with the weight of feeling behind, does not mean that you are a failure. It does not mean the day is lost and you are hopeless. You are not a victim of your day or the circumstances it brings, and it does not get to tell you how to feel or how to live out the rest of it. 

Your source of joy, comfort, and security comes from the steadfast throne of Grace. 

So move forward. Into the next thing with hope that follows you around and assurance that you are not alone. You are new. You are clean. You are a miracle, right where you stand. Not because of anything you’ve said or done, but because of who God says you are. The aroma of joy clings to your presence and radiates from your spirit. You’re glowing. Reflecting a peace that one cannot explain, cannot understand. 

And something special begins to happen. When life blows up all around you- your toddler pees all over your brand-new floors, for instance, or, in the most recent incident, your couch (RIP)- what comes out of your mouth isn’t hostility or blame; it’s love and grace and assurance that it’s “no biggie”. Because in the grand scheme of things, it’s really not. Because spending time letting the Father lead your heart and mind gives you grace and perspective that you wouldn’t have otherwise. 

I’m going to be honest, growing up, hearing about the Fruit of the Spirit always sounded so overwhelming. At heart, I’m a list-maker, so reading off several qualities known as the Fruit of the Spirit was intimidating. How was I supposed to become peaceful, patient, loving, kind, gentle—okay, cool, now I can’t breathe. Hyperventilating. Crying hopelessly over here. 

That list feels impossible. No way could I ever achieve that. 

But guess what, I wasn’t meant to. And neither were you. That’s something God does. 

In a world that sometimes makes you feel like you’re not enough, Grace stares you down, tells you to get over yourself, and accept the help that you so desperately need. Grace tells you that it’s going to be okay. Grace tells you that it’s not your job to produce results; it’s your job to “follow the Spirit’s leading in every part of our lives” (Galatians 5:25 NLT). 

I want self-control, patience, gentleness, kindness, among other fruits of the Spirit. Especially as I’m potty training my toddler. But I cannot produce that myself. I cannot just manifest those things from good intentions. The truth is, it’s not my responsibility.  I’m not the Gardener in this story. I’m a tree. Every day I show up for water and nourishment, sunlight and protection. And I watch as fruit begins to grow. 

So let’s show up together, just a bunch of trees in need of water and sunlight. And let those apples and oranges speak for themselves. I’ll leave you with this absolute banger of a verse, 

“Seek the Kingdom of God above all else, and live righteously, and he will give you everything you need” (Matthew 6:33).