Should Christians Have Children If Hell Is Real? (Eternal Conscious Torment Explained)

A viewer recently sent me a DM with a genuine, critically important question. The viewer (who shall remain anonymous) said:

“There's one thing I struggle with. It has to do with external conscious torment. I spent a lot of time thinking about this. If I believe that ECT is true and it is a real possibility, I realize that I can not have children. Because there is a chance that someone I gave birth to will end up suffering forever, it would be highly immoral to bring the person into existence. The child has no say in this matter. Their existence has been decided by God and us parents. Every other situation when you knowingly and willingly put another person in a potentially harmful situation is considered unethical, especially when the person is someone unable to decide for themselves, e.g. a baby. It's so sad. I love children”

My first thought was quite simply: “Woof!” Despite being such a deep, emotionally packed question, I think it rests on the minds of many Christians. It’s an important question, so I took considerable time to write up a lengthy response, which I’ll recap here in this article. The question being, should Christians have children if eternal conscious torment (ECT) is real? Let’s dig into it.

The Hard Truth About ECT

First, we hold to ECT not because we like it, but because it’s taught in Scripture. For those who may be wondering, ECT is the view that hell is a place where nonbelievers will be for eternity, experiencing conscious torment.

This may seem harsh, but I think it keeps us from following merely what we feel is true rather than what is actually true. I am quick to say that I strongly dislike ECT, and I wish it weren’t true. Yet I am obligated to seek what is true, and if I recognize the authority of Scripture, I am also obligated to accept ECT, given its clear teaching. For more on its biblical truth, I recommend reading an article I wrote on it, along with evaluating competing theories HERE.

With that said, I want to address the specific comment: “If I believe that ECT is true and it is a real possibility, I realise that I can not have children.” The first reason given for this claim is that “Because there is a chance that someone I gave birth to will end up suffering forever, it would be highly immoral to bring the person into existence. The child has no say in this matter. Their existence has been decided by God and us parents.” I think there are some serious misunderstandings here.

Was It Worth It?

First and foremost, this is precisely the dilemma God faced when creating human beings. He gave human beings free will, which is intrinsically good, given that it makes possible real, genuine love with God and with others. However, it also inevitably introduces the possibility of some choosing to reject God and choose evil (sin).

God cannot force free people to choose Him, for then they wouldn’t be free. Importantly, God valued free will and genuine love with us so much that He saw that it was worth the consequence of suffering being a possibility, even for some eternal suffering. So, I do not believe it was immoral for God to create mankind, given this possibility (despite Adam or any other human not having a choice in the matter), nor do I think it is immoral for us to do the same when having children of our own.

For there is intrinsic value in human life made in His image, and even being given the chance of living and loving God forever is far better than not having the chance to exist at all (more on this below).

Avoid Suffering...At All Costs?

Second, it was said, “Every other situation when you knowingly and willingly put another person in a potentially harmful situation is considered unethical, especially when the person is someone unable to decide for themselves.” I do not believe I agree with this statement.

I have a 2.5-year-old, and I put her in uncomfortable situations all the time! I punish her, and she certainly sees that as suffering. I bring her to the dentist, which nobody enjoys, and this also includes even the slightest risk of significant harm (infections, injuries, allergic reactions, etc.). Or if I tell her a million times not to jump on her bed because she will get hurt, the solution is not to strap her to the bed to prevent a harmful outcome (her falling off). No, at some point, I have to give her that freedom in which she can choose to obey or disobey, even if that may result in her hurting herself by jumping off the bed.

It’s not unethical for me to do that, for if she does jump off, then she has now learned why her father has continued to tell her not to do such a thing; this is growth. Also, if anything, it would be unethical if I forced her by strapping her to the bed to avoid injury. Why? Because then I’m taking away her freedom, and this is more like abuse than anything else.

So, I do not think that, in every other situation, knowingly and willingly putting another person in a potentially harmful situation is unethical. Because technically, every situation carries the potential for harm. Car and plane rides invite the potential for car and plane accidents, dentist appointments and surgeries invite the risk of infection and even death. Yet, we go through with these things, even for ourselves, for a greater good, despite the risk.

In the same way, we have children for the greater good of giving the beautiful, intrinsically good experience of life, creating human beings in the image of God so that they may know and glorify Him forever.

Life Is Not Necessarily a Death Sentence

Third, it is also important to point out that though there is a chance that a child will choose to reject God and end up in eternal hell, certainly that’s not the only outcome! There’s equally a chance, if not a more likely option, that the child does end up choosing to know and glorify the Lord forever, ending up with Him in eternity—heaven!

I say it’s potentially more likely because, given added circumstances such as being raised in a Christian home, attending church, and having a community of other believers, it will certainly increase the chances that the child remains in the faith into later stages of life (while not guaranteeing it).

Even putting ECT aside, as mentioned above, suffering is inevitable in this life. There are some who reject ECT and instead hold to annihilationism or universalism, but I think they are not taught in Scripture, which is why I reject them. But even on those views, there is still suffering here on earth or partially in the life to come!

Suffering is unavoidable and an evident part of reality. But suffering is not purposeless, and can actually be used by God to bring about a greater good. This has a lot to do with the purpose of life.

Purpose of Life

What is the purpose of life? Is it merely to be happy and comfortable? No. Rather, the purpose of life, as mentioned above, is to freely know and glorify God forever (Isaiah 43:7; Philippians 3:8). Sometimes, this requires suffering (Romans 5:3-5). For it is through suffering that we or others experience that people freely come to the Lord and grow to be more conformed to His image.

Even the reality of ECT helps us come to the Lord and better understand Him. On a recent episode of the Truthful Hope Podcast about how God uses suffering for our good (you can watch it HERE), Jean E. Jones told the story about a foster child she and her husband, Clay, had in their home. The child was rejecting the Gospel. So, as many parents would, Clay cried out to the Lord, “What if she never comes to know you?!” And he felt the Lord say to Him, “Then you will understand the suffering I face when my children reject me.” Thus, it is through the reality of ECT that we not only grow in the Lord but also enter into suffering with Him as we are called to do (1 Peter 4:13).

Now, I have children, two young kids. My wife and I were less worried about ECT, but more so about the suffering our children would experience in this world and the pressures they would face from culture. But after consulting the Bible, we found that the Scriptures show that children are a gift from the Lord and the highest blessing (Gen. 17:6; 33:5; Ps. 113:9; 127:3-5). As the psalmist wrote, “Behold, children are a heritage from the Lord, the fruit of the womb a reward” (Psalm 127:3 ESV). So much so that God would show His love for people by opening their womb, bringing forth children (Genesis 21:1-2; 29:31; 30:22; Luke 1:3; Psalm 113:9).

On the flip side, it was considered a grave curse to be sterile or barren, bringing about great shame and sorrow (1 Sam. 1:6; Gen. 20:17-18; 30:1; 22-23). Children are a blessing. It is an eternal soul made in the image of God that we are being entrusted with. Some desperately want children but can’t; they would be the first to say how valuable children are, despite the potential for harm.

What if They DO Come to Know the Lord?

I fully understand the fear of “what if they don’t come to know the Lord and experience eternal conscious torment?” That’s real stuff. But is it any better not to give that life even the chance to experience the goodness and love of the Lord for eternity in the first place?

Should we not trust the Lord that He will strengthen us to raise our children in the faith and bless our children? For even the chance of life to know God forever far outweighs the risk of ECT, for it is better to live and have that chance than not exist at all. To say otherwise is to say so from a position of already existing, which seems quite unfair.

Trust in Him

At the very least, this is what the all-knowing Creator thought when making humans in His image with the freedom to choose Him. We must ultimately trust in the goodness of the Lord and in His ways being just and right.

Also, bringing children into this world can extend into generations! My kids will hopefully, God-willing, have children of their own, and so on. The decision to bring a human life into this world, an eternal soul, does not just impact one generation but potentially many. And then even more other lives when you think of how many different lives we have impacted (friends, family members, co-workers).

So even if one child does not come to know the Lord, which would be a tragedy, what if the majority of their children do come to know the Lord! And what if, despite the one child disobeying the Lord, he/she had left such a great impact on others that they end up knowing the Lord forever? I think this ultimately comes down to trusting God with that which we cannot know.

In short, have the children. The world needs more children from Christian homes, and the enemy would want nothing more than to keep you from having children in fear of ECT. I encourage you to have children with excitement, looking forward to doing all that you can do to raise him/her up in the Lord, and ultimately, trusting their eternity in His hands and that no matter what, “we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose” (Romans 8:28 ESV).